After a huge drama here yesterday caused by teenage daughter, I was in a right old pickle. I honestly didn't think I could be any more anxious than at the crisis point of this 'ere illness, but she proved me wrong. What a pallava. I swear I almost blew my own socks off with stress, but it's all over now thank goodness.
This may have been a turning point for me; you know, one of those little steps that isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but gives you a perspective.
I got up today feeling alright. I'm noticing that early mornings, despite the tiredness, are just about the best place my head is in all day. I've worked other things out too, like I need to eat first thing, which has never been a habit of mine. A small bowl of cereal forced down (I hate the stuff) is light and stops the physical shakes setting in quite as badly.
My decision today was to do as much as I could. I've been nursing myself and taking things easy for weeks now, despising my inability to cope with even the most minor of tasks. At the risk of being told off when hub gets home, I can announce with pride that I have:
1. Done four loads of washing and hung them outside to dry in the blazing sunshine.
2. Washed the dishes.
3. Filled a bin bag with clothes I don't need and thrown them out.
4. Tidied up.
5. Hoovered and dusted.
6. Mopped the floors.
7. Eaten a sandwich for lunch.
I do feel a bit knackered now, but the sense of accomplishment is worth it.
Tonight is a hen party for a friend of mine. I wasn't going to go, but I now think I can manage it, even if just for an hour. If it freaks me out then I have the whole weekend with my beloved to recover. Worth the risk I say.
Next on the list it to dye my (hideous looking) hair, have a bath and get ready. I'm doing this mega early so I can spend a bit of time chilling out.
I am determined to have a normal day, just to see what it's like. At this rate I'll be painting and doing all the stuff I've been planning, and a lot sooner than I'd expected.
My appointment for assessment came through yesterday, so I'll be off in a few weeks to see what treatment I'll be getting. The medication is definitely helping my anxiety now, apart from when ghastly things happen. I say this rather tentatively, but I almost feel like I'm getting back to my old self. It could all change in the blink of an eye of course, but right here, right now it's not so bad.